The Adventures of Hellahontas
by Jack-n-Sally
Summary: Hey ArnoldPochohontas parody! Very funny, this took me forever so please readreview! Images availiable!
1. Part One

I dun own Hey Arnold. If I did, there would be TJM, The Pitakis, a whole new series, etc. etc. I also don't own Pochohontas. If I did, I wouldn't have the guts to admit it. For Images on this fan-fic, go to  
  
Cast Members  
  
Pocahontas/Hellahontas/Helga Pitaki  
John Smith/Arnold Smith/Arnold  
Grandmother Willow/Madam Willow/Madam Blanche  
Meeko/Moniter Leko/MoniterLizard  
Flit/Plit/Parrot From "Helga's Parrot"  
Governor Ratcliffe/Curlyiffe/Thaddeus Gammelthorpe  
Thomas/Gerals/Gerald Johansson  
Kocoum/Brain Dawg/Brainy  
Ben/Stinken/Stinky Peterson  
Percy/Abny/Abner  
Kekata/Pookata/a.k.a Geritude)  
Powhatan/Bobhaten/Big Bob Pitaki  
Nakoma/Phoebema/Phoebe Hyerdahl  
Wiggins/Eugins/Eugene Horitz (???)  
Lon/Sin/Sid  
Namontack/Iggtack/Iggy  
Narrarator/Me/Juliana  
  
It all started on a foggy, misty gray day. The crew were sayin their goodbyes ((*cough*andlast*cough* )) to their 'loved ones' like it was the end of their world, and settling into the ship they were sailing in. Little did they know that harmony would soon turn to treachourus, reckless behavoir.  
  
Curlyiffe: Oi! Let's go now, are we dun be late!  
  
It was at that moment that Eugins, Gerals, Arnold Smith, Stinken, Sin and the rest of the crew came sloshing around the corner, with mugs filled to the rim with Brandy.  
  
Gerals: Well that was sure a refreshing blast!!!  
  
Curlyiffe: Trouble on the deck???  
  
Eugins tripped on a rope, his mug slipping out of his hand as it came to a crash on the hard wood floorboards.  
  
Eugins: I'm okay!!  
  
Curlyiffe: You couple of saps!! Who do you think you are?? Here I am trying to bring you all to the New Land's we'll claim to be ours and all you do is binge!! You guys are pathetic!! .o WHAT do you all have to say for yourselves?!  
  
Arnold Smith: ::censored::  
  
Crew: o.O;;  
  
This blew Curlyiffe over the edge.  
  
Curlyiffe: YOU GET YOURSELFS BACK INTO POSITION BEFORE I FEED YOU ALL TO THE SHARKS!!!!!! AN YOU!! ::points to Eugins:: YOU!! YOU of all people! You're my most trusted sailor! And this is how you repay me??  
  
Eugins was speechless as he stared down at the wood beneath his feet. The rest of the crew tried to muffle their laughter as Curlyiffe nearly cussed him out.  
  
Curlyiffe: Nevermind this. You have reached the ends of my straws, if there be anymore messing around on my deck it'll be your butt!!  
  
Curlyiffe stood with his back to the crew and placed his hands on the edge of the ship and slowly inhaled.  
  
Sinken: Would you like us to leave so you can say all them bad words now?  
  
Curlyiffe: Yes, that would be great. Thanks.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~  
  
Meanwhile....back on an island in who-the-hell-knows-where.....wifes and family run to greet ther husbands/family whom were fighting in battle.  
  
Bobhaten: Ingapowa all! I am glad to be back away from the famined diseased battlefield.  
  
Pookata: Yeah that's real great. What about your daughter? Aren't you glad to see her??  
  
Bobhaten: Well yeah, but...hey, where is she anyway?? I need to talk with her.  
  
Pookata: She has her mother's spirit...maybe she's binging.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~  
  
Hellahontas continued to write down poetry in a little book that was held together with thin leather straps on the edge of a cliff.  
  
Hellahontas: When born under Venus, look for the-  
  
Phoebema: -hey Hellahontas!! Your father will be here any minute and you'd better be back soon or he'll skin you!!  
  
Phoebema called from the bottom of the cliff, as she sat in a canoe in a small lake surrounding the cliff. Hellahontas rolled her eyes. She stood up and placed the book inside her frock, *cough*whereshestoreseverythiselse*cough* and slowly took a step back. She aimed both of her arms in the air and took one foot of the groud. That small section where her foot was crumbled. Hellahontas lost her balance and fell off of the cliff and into the water.  
  
Phoebema: This has gotta be good...  
  
Hellahontas panicked and tried to lean her body head first into the water as she fell through the air, only to have her body slam into the water, forming a bellyflop. Phoebema tried to control her laughter. There was a long silence.  
  
Phoebema: Uh..Hellahontas...? Where are you?  
  
Phoebema started panicking as she tried looking farther into the water for Hellahontas. Phobema dived into the water, searching for Hellahontas. She found Hellahontas, with her foot tangled into a weeds that were floating on the bottom of the lake. She pulled her out, and they both swam to the surface. Hellahontas's face and arms were a bright red from the compact it had made with the water.  
  
Phoebema: I can't believe you, why can't you just take the trail back to the huts instead of preforming some show and almost getting yourself killed like a human?  
  
Hellahontas: Yeah yeah, just get in the boat.  
  
Hellahontas was obviously embarressed as Phoebema paddled the boat slowly towards the shore and onto land. They anchored the small canoe to a nearby tree.  
  
Hellahontas: Come on, I'll race you back to the huts.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~  
  
Hellahontas and Phoebema arrived just as Bobhaten was congratulating Brain Dawg.  
  
Bobhaten: I am pleased to annouce that it was Brain Dawg that fought the hardest and bravest of all He has proven himself worthy!  
  
Phoebema: Ohh...he is so fine! What do you think?  
  
Hellahontas: I have no comment...;;  
  
Bobhaten:We will feast tonight in his honor!  
  
The crowd cheers and Hellahontas runs to greet her father.  
  
Bobhaten: Daughter!  
  
Hellahontas: Wingapo father!  
  
Bobhaten: It's great to be back and to see people I actually recognize. but now I need to talk to you about something.  
  
INSIDE THE LONGHOUSE:  
  
Hellahontas:Father, I've been having this nightmare. It's a spinning arrow, like it's leading me into a direction. Like some big things are going to happen!  
  
Bobhaten: Big things are going to happen. Brain Dawg has asked to seek your hand in marriage. He will make a fine husband..not that I would know.  
  
Hellahontas: You're kidding...-I mean, but he's so...serious and gross.  
  
Bobhaten: But he is sincere and loyal. I think it's the right path for you.  
  
Hellahontas: Uh...dad, that's really....mythical and everything, but I really would prefer not to have to marry Brain Dawg.  
  
Bobhaten: Don't worry, he'll make a good husband, and you need some social life anyway. And I think it's the right path for you.  
  
Bobhaten left the hut as Hellahontas stood by herself with Leeko and Plit.  
  
Hellahontas: Great. Another moral delimma. If I marry Brain Dawg, I wouldn't be happy but every one else will, if I DON'T marry him, everyone won't like it, but then they'll hate me. Hellahontas thought to her self. Ha! No choice. 


	2. Part Two

Meanwhile...back near the shores of the lakes the ship was just anchoring and settling. The crew stood on the main deck and looked at the forest surrounding the lake.  
  
Curlyiffe: Smell that?? That's the smell of New Land and gold. MONEY! We'll be rich after we jump those savages for their riches, if there be any.  
  
Arnold Smith: Well come on men! We didn't come here to sit here with our thumbs up our asses and stare at the view.  
  
Sin: Only YOU would to that Smith.  
  
The crew finished anchoring and got into a canoe, then slowly rowed to shore. They all got out and Arnold Smith was distracted as he slowly started climbing up a hill and onto a tree branch.  
  
Sin: Hey, Smith? Where are you going?  
  
Arnold Smith: To get a better look.  
  
Arnold Smith wandered around the forest for a couple hours till he saw a small lake and waterfall nearby. He walked towards it and cupped water into his hands. In the water he saw a slight reflection of a person. He quickly turned around and saw a person. It wasn't a white person, but a 'savage.'  
Arnold Smith slowly stood up. The figure didn't move. Arnold Smith took a small step towards it, but the second his foot touched the water, the figure sprinted across the rocks. Arnold quickly chased her. He started running after her, and then there was an odd silence. Arnold slowly stepped back, keeping an eye out for the figure. He heard a twig snap and quickly spun around. He saw the face of a young 'savage.' Arnold tripped backwards and fell on his ass.  
  
Arnold Smith: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Hellahontas: AHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
There was a small silence.  
  
Hellahontas: AHHHHHH!!!  
  
Arnold Smith: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!!!!!!  
  
Hellahontas froze as Arnold Smith continued screaming.  
  
Hellahontas: ...()  
  
Arnold Smith: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!  
  
Hellahontas stood up.  
  
Hellahontas: Udeda! Eepka tia ownda! Uoya antwa ota etga sua illedka???  
  
Arnold Smith: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!  
  
Hellahontas: Hatta lsoaa eansma ouya anca topsa creamingsa!!!  
  
Arnold stopped screaming and stood up, figuring she was harmless.  
  
Arnold Smith: Uh...sorry...about...that...aheheh.  
  
Arnold Smith: What did you say?  
  
Hellahontas: It's called pig latin.  
  
Arnold Smith: Who are you?  
  
Hellahontas: Who am I?!?! Who are you?!?!  
  
Arnold Smith hesitated before saying his name.  
  
Arnold Smith: My name is, Arnold Smith. Yours?  
  
Hellahontas figured it was safe to tell him her name is he had told her his.  
  
Hellahontas: My name..is Hellahontas.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~  
  
Curlyiffe: That's it, that's it, put your backs into it you bunch of slackers!!  
  
The crew continues as Curlyiffe walks around making sure they are digging.  
  
Curlyiffe:Finding anything yet?  
  
Gerals: Nothing but rocks and animal droppings.  
  
Sin: Gosh, how long are we going to keep diggin like this?  
  
Stinken: Yeah! Here we are slaving away day and night for-  
  
Curlyiffe: For me, I know, I know, I also feel your pain. Eugins!! Come here and get rid of this chicken bone!  
  
Eugins runs up to Curlyiffe and takes the bare chicken bone. He waves it in front of Abny. Abny siiffs it then runs away squealing. He came to a quick halt when he ran behind a bush and onto the feet of Brain Dawg. Surrounding him were several Indians. Abny's squeals were now louder than ever.  
  
Sin: Boy Howdy!! Indians!!  
  
Curlyiffe: Don't just stand there, men, SHOOT THEM!!  
  
There is a brief silence over the whole site, and all at once the indians shoot the crew with arrows while the crew attack the indians with guns. There is battle for serveral minutes until Iggtack got hit where-the-sun- don't-shine by a stray bullet.  
  
Brain Dawg: Iggtack!!  
  
Iggtack lied in the dirt in pain. Brain Dawg picked up Iggtack and slung him over the shoulders.  
  
Brain Dawg: Back to the village!! We can't fight them yet!!  
  
The crew continued shooting until they saw the the indians have left.  
  
Curlyiffe: They'll be back and when they do, you'll all fight like real men!! Until then, continue digging.  
  
INSIDE A HUT IN THE VILLAGE:  
  
Pookata sprinkles turtle flakes over Iggtacks' wound, while Bobhaten mutters to himself.  
  
Bobhaten: First they invade part of our land and now this....  
  
Pookata: This is a strange wound.  
  
Bobhaten: That's it...Brain Dawg, we will fight these...people. Send messages to every village and we will battle with these white demons.  
  
Bobhaten steps outside the hut and into the large crowd of people.  
  
Bobhaten: These white people are very dangerous!! And no one is to go near them- or else.  
  
Bobhaten dragged a finger across his neck. 


	3. Part Three

NEAR A SMALL LAKE:  
  
Hellahontas looks into her reflection of Arnold's helmet as Arnold snacks on hardtack.  
  
Arnold Smith: It's called a helmet. It protects your head.  
  
Hellahontas: Hmm... Helmet.  
  
Hellahontas puts the helmet on her head. Arnold Smith tries to make conversation.  
  
Arnold Smith: So...what's this lake called?  
  
Hellathonas: Quiyoughcahannock.  
  
Arnold Smith: Oh. You have the most..unusual names.  
  
Hellahontas: Only because you're not used to them.  
  
Arnold Smith: Well yeah.  
  
Hellahontas: I didn't mean that in a rude way. Anway, Arnold Smith is an unusual name too.  
  
Arnold Smith: I guess it kinda is. At least my name isn't JOHN Smith. That's like...the most common name in the whole world.  
  
Arnold Smith put a hardtack cracker up the Leeko's mouth. Leeko sniffed and quickly bit into it, nearly taking Arnold's hand with it.  
  
Arnold Smith: Woah!  
  
Hellahontas: ^-^;;  
  
Arnold Smith: So anyway-hey!  
  
Arnold Smith takes out Leeko by the tail from the inside of his bag. Arnold chuckled to himself.  
  
Hellahontas: Sorry about that. His name is Leeko.  
  
Arnold Smith held out his hand to Leeko and gave a thumbs up.  
  
Arnold Smith: How do you do Leeko?  
  
Leeko sniffed Arnold's hand for crackers, then scowled when he found none.  
  
Arnold Smith: No, it's how we say hello. It's called a weeohhhweeoohh.  
  
Hellahontas looked at his hand with out moving.  
  
Hellahontas:...is something supposed to happen?  
  
Arnold groaned slightly and took her hand and wiggled his thumb.  
  
Hellahontas: This is how we say hello. Win-gapo.  
  
Hellahontas made a circle in the air with her hand.  
  
Arnold Smith: Win...ga..po.  
  
Arnold Smith heard a rustling inside his bag and saw Leeko scamper out of it. He held a small telescope.  
  
Arnold Smith: Hey!  
  
Hellahontas grew very impatient.  
  
Hellahontas: Leeko!!!! You get back here RIGHT NOW!!!  
  
Arnold Smith: It's alright, he can't hurt it-HEY!!!!  
  
Leeko started smashing the telescope against the tree. Arnold gave up.  
  
Arnold Smith: Guh...alright keep it. I'll just get another on in Washington.  
  
Hellahontas: What's that?  
  
Arnold Smith: Washington is where I live.  
  
Hellahontas: Really? What's it like?  
  
Arnold Smith: Well, it has roads, cars, bridges over rivers, and buildings as tall as trees.  
  
Hellahontas: Wow, sounds sweet. That'd be pretty cool to see some of those.  
  
Arnold Smith: You will, we're going to build them here. We'll show you how to us this land properly, how to make the most of it, and then-  
  
Hellahontas: Make the most of it??  
  
Hellahontas was near anger.  
  
Arnold Smith: Yeah, we'll pave roads, build decent houses-  
  
Hellahontas was angry.  
  
Hellahontas: Our houses are decent!! If they weren't we wouldn't be living in them...doi!!  
  
Arnold Smith: You only think that becasue you don't know any better.  
  
Hellahontas glared at Arnold, then slapped his face, hard. Arnold stepped back and frowned. Hellahontas ran to the lake and jumped in her canoe. Arnold ran to catch up with her.  
  
Arnold Smith: Hey! Wait come back, you took that the wrong way!  
  
Hellahontas: Screw off, you...you...you... FOOTBALL HEAD!!  
  
Arnold Smith froze.  
  
Arnold Smith: Now that's getting personal!!  
  
As Arnold Smith ran towards Hellahontas, Plit flew up to Arnold's face and starting flapping his wings.  
  
Plit: R-r-a-w-k!!!! Stupid basterd! Stupid basterd! R-r-r-r-r-awk!!!  
  
Arnold hit the little green parrot hard with his hand, causing it to fall down to the ground. Arnold ran to catch up with Hellahontas and blocked her canoe.  
  
Arnold Smith: Don't take it that way! I didn't mean it, really. There's so much we can teach you! We've improved the lives of cavemen all over--  
  
Hellahontas spun around.  
  
Hellahontas: CAVEMEN?!??!?!  
  
Arnold looked like he could have hit himself for that comment.  
  
Arnold Smith: Not...that you're a cavemen...  
  
Hellahontas: Just my people!!  
  
If looks could kill...Arnold would would be a walking dead man.  
  
Arnold Smith: That isn't what I meant! Just listen to me.  
  
Hellahontas tried to paddle away but Arnold held the canoe in place with his hands.  
  
Hellahontas: You let me go!!  
  
Arnold Smith: Just listen.  
  
Hellahontas gave Arnold a you'll-live-to-regret-this-look. And he did. Hellahontas knocked Arnold in the jaw with her paddle, then jumped up, grabbed a tree branch from a tree that was above her and climbed through the tree branches. Arnold stood up in the shallow water and rubbed his jaw as he called to Hellahontas.  
  
Arnold Smith: Look, please don't do this! Cavemen is just a word, for uh, how do I put this in a nice way...? Okay, I don't. Cavemen is just a word for uncivilized people.  
  
Arnold jumped up into the tree and started climbing after her. Hellahontas clenched her teeth.  
  
Hellahontas: Like me, right?  
  
Arnold Smith: Well, when I say uncivilized I mean like...well...  
  
Arnold grabbed onto a dead branch. It snapped and Arnold Smith fell to the grass, back first. He layed there for a couple of seconds then sat up and rubbed his head. Hellahontas quickly climbed down from the tree and walked towards him. There was a silence.  
  
Hellahontas: You think I'm an ignorant cavemen... and you've been so many places, I guess it might be so. But still I cannot see... that the-  
  
Arnold Smith: Wait a minute, wait a minute...did I miss something? Why are you singing?  
  
Hellahontas: Well I thought the occassion called for it...;;  
  
Arnold Smith: No...this isn't a cartoon..it's real life. So just tell me.  
  
Hellahontas groaned.  
  
Hellahontas: One, I am not a cavemen, Two, this is MY and MY PEOPLES land, you cannot take it! Three, this land contains my culture, and my beliefs, and if you take it aways from us, you'll be taking away our home. So you can tell your men to piss up a rope!!  
  
Arnold stood up.  
  
Arnold Smith: Okay, okay, I believe you. Look, I'm sorry and I didn't mean to offend you.  
  
Hellahontas: Okay, well don't assume either. You can stay, but don't touch our lands.  
  
Well, everything was back to normal, and they now got along. There was a long silence, then Hellahontas heard beating drums of in the distant.  
  
Arnold Smith: What is it?  
  
Hellahontas: Those drums, they mean trouble. Holy shit, I shouldn't be here.  
  
Arnold Smith: I want to see you again.  
  
Hellahontas: Don't tempt me...it'll only make things worse.  
  
Arnold Smith: But...  
  
Hellahontas: I have to go.  
  
Arnold Smith: v.V;; 


	4. Part Four

"JAMESTOWN"  
  
It's pouring down rain and the crew are making a barricade.  
  
Stinken: Come on, let's get this over with.  
  
Crew: Push!  
  
Sin: Uh oh, it's slipping!!  
  
Stinken: Come on, push, push...there we have it!  
  
Gerals: That'll teach those savages, oi Arnold?  
  
Arnold Smith: What? ;;  
  
Gerals: You sick or something? You've been awfully quiet for the last few day, maybe-  
  
Sin: -he's just jealous cause he missed out on all the action.  
  
Gerals: Don't worry, your time will come.  
  
Sin: Yeah! We'll rid this land of cavemen like we've done to the other New Lands eh mates?  
  
Stinken: You shut your face and get back to work you howlin peice of-  
  
Sin: -oh brother, where's your sense of fun??  
  
Stinken: Fun?! FUN?!  
  
Sin: Why is that everytime I'M having fun...it's wrong??  
  
Stinken: Well here's we all are, working in the rain, cold, and with no food, while CURLYIFFE sits in his cozy little tent as happy as a clown!!  
  
CURLYIFFES TENT:  
  
Curlyiffe: I'm SCREWED!! I should be swimming in gold by now! And I haven't seen a single peice of it!! Not ONE!! What am I doing wrong?? What am I over looking??  
  
Eugins: ACCCK!!!! I...I...  
  
Curlyiffe spun around, and saw Eugene with an arrow through his hand.  
  
Curlyiffe: You take that silly thing off!! This is no time for...wait a minute....  
  
Curlyiffe snatched to arrow out of his hand as Eugene winced in pain and "acked" again.  
  
Eugns: I'm okay v.v;;  
  
Curlyiffe: Eugins!! Why do you think those heathens attacked us? Answer me boy!!  
  
Eugins: Because we stole their land, dug up their earth and chopped down their trees?  
  
Curlyiffe hit Eugene on the head with a rolled up map.  
  
Curlyffe: No, you moron! It's the gold and they don't want to share it with us!! Well, I'll tell them this..if they don't want to give it too us...I'll have to take it, by force!!  
  
Eugins: Here we go again...;;  
  
Curlyiffe: : )  
  
NEAR THE BARRICADE, SIN AND STINKEN ARE LAYING DOWN, RESTING; CURLYIFFE AWAKES THEM.  
  
Curlyiffe: You there! Where's Smith??  
  
Sin: Uh, well...::looks around:: he left.  
  
Stinken: Yeah! You're singing must have scared him off!  
  
Curlyiffe: Argh! Well for heaven's sake GO GET HIM!!  
  
Sin: What if we run into the indians??  
  
Curlyiffe: That's what GUNS are for!! Now get a move on!!  
  
A CORNFEILD:  
  
Phobema and Hellahontas are gathering corn in baskets.  
  
Bobhaten: What are you doing here? You should be inside the village.  
  
Phoebema: We're collecting food for when the warriors arrive.  
  
Bobhaten: Okay, fine, but don't wander, now's not the time for that.  
  
In a whiny/annoying voice: Hellahontas: Yes dad.  
  
Bobhaten: When you wear that, it reminds you of your mother.  
  
Hellahontas: Yeah, I guess I miss her too.  
  
Bobhaten: Although she is worm chow, she is still with us today. You know, our people look to her for wisdom- Phoebema, get that smirk off your face!!- and someday, our people will look up to you too.  
  
Bobhaten saw the look on Hellahontas's face.  
  
Bobhaten: No pressure, I'll send for Brain Dawg. ::leaves::  
  
Phoebema: What is it??  
  
Hellahontas: What?  
  
Phoebema: You're freakin hiding something!! Just tell me. I promise, you can trust me.  
  
All of a sudden, Arnold came through the corn feilds.  
  
Arnold Smith: Hello Hellahontas!  
  
Phoebema: It's one of them!!  
  
Arnold Smith: ^^  
  
Hellahontas: What are you doing here??  
  
Arnold Smith: I wanted to see you again!  
  
Phoebema: Again?!  
  
Hellahontas quickly coverd Phoebema's mouth, thinking fast.  
  
Hellahontas: Uhm..quick, come here. Phoebema, please, don't tell!!  
  
Hellahontas grabbed Arnold's arm and led him away from the corn feild and into the forest.  
  
Phoebema: ;;  
  
Suddenly Brain Dawg appeared right after Arnold and Hellahontas left.  
  
Brain Dawg: Where's Hellahontas?  
  
Phoebema: She...well...I...I haven't seen her.  
  
Brain Dawg: Demmit, she can't keep running off like that...tell her. She listens to you.  
  
Phoebema: Okay...I will.  
  
Brain Dawg left. Phoebema rolled her eyes and tossed another ear of corn into her basket.  
  
Phoebema: Like hell she does... 


	5. Part Five

SCENE: BY MADAM WILLOW:  
  
Arnold smith: Wow, this place is so tight! I can't believe we came all this way just to chop it up for gold.  
  
Hellahontas: Huh?  
  
Arnold Smith: Oh. Gold. It's a bright yellow, hard, and really valuable.  
  
Hellahontas stuck her pinkie into her hear and pulled out ear wax.  
  
Hellahontas: Here! We have lots of it! I have a collection back at the village.  
  
Arnold winced.  
  
Arnold Smith: Uh....not that...gold....here. This is gold.  
  
Arnold pulled out a small gold coin from his pocket.  
  
Hellahontas: Oh...well, we don't have any of that here.  
  
Arnold Smith: Ha! Curlyiffe's screwed then...I wonder what the other men'll say...  
  
Hellahontas: Will you guys leave?  
  
Arnold Smith: Probably yeah. Except for maybe Curlyiffe...  
  
Hellahontas: Will you go home?  
  
Arnold Smith: I don't really have a home, persay, I just..live in England.  
  
Hellahontas: You could stay here!!  
  
Arnold Smith: Hehehe! ^^v  
  
All of a sudden, a face appeared on the bark of the large willow they were sitting next too. Hellahontas gave herself an evil grin.  
  
Arnold Smith: What the hell??  
  
Hellahontas:...did you see something?  
  
Arnold rubbed his eyes.  
  
Arnold Smith: No, I didn't...or did I...?  
  
Madam Willow's face reappeared.  
  
Madam Willow: Hello, Hellahontas.  
  
Arnold Smith jumped up and took out his gun that was slung over his shoulder.  
  
Arnold Smith: Holy shit!!! A talking tree!! What is this?! Some kind of wacky cult?? Who are you and what have you done with this tree??  
  
All of a sudden a vine from the tree grabbed onto his gun, and threw it into the water. The face on the tree scowled.  
  
Madam Willow: Calm yourself boy!!!  
  
Hellahontas: Dude, just relax, it's okay.  
  
Arnold Smith: Well it's not everyday I see a talking tree.  
  
Hellahontas: But it's okay. She's perfectly safe.  
  
Arnold Smith slowly walked towards the face of the tree. He looked like he'd shit his pants any second.  
  
Arnold Smith: Uhh...wel...um. Hi..I'm..Arnold Smith.  
  
Madam Willow: Darn glad to meet ya Arnold.  
  
Just then, Arnold heard Stinken and Sin.  
  
Stinken: Hey Arnold! Where are you?  
  
Arnold Smith: ::whispering:: We can't let them see us!  
  
Madam Willow: Over here!  
  
Arnold Smith and Hellahontas quickly hid behind the bark of Grandmother Willow.  
  
Sin: This place really freaks me out...what if we see and indian??  
  
Stinken: You shoot them.  
  
Madam Willow raised a tree root, causing Stinken and Sid to fall.  
  
Stinken: Watch where you're going!!  
  
Sin: But it wasn't me! It was the tree.  
  
Stinken: Oh yeah...here's a possessed tree, that just felt like trippin us-  
  
Stinken and Sin both froze when they saw the tree's roots go back down.  
  
Sin: Let's get out of here!!  
  
Madam Willow whipped Sin and Stinken on their butts, as they both yelled out in pain.  
  
Stinken: Gee Willikers!! Something here isn't right!! RUN!!!  
  
Sin: What about Arnold??  
  
Stinken: Screw him, he shouldn't have run off like that!!  
  
Stinken and Sid nervously scampered away from the tree and back to "Jamestown."  
  
Arnold Smith: Wow, thanks alot, I'm glad you're on our side.  
  
Madam WiIlow: Well those sayings aren't true.." You CAN teach an old hag like me new tricks." ^^  
  
Arnold Smith: Well...I guess I should go back to the site before they send a search party.  
  
Hellahontas: Not so fast! I have to see you again!  
  
Arnold Smith: Okay..then meet me here tonight later.  
  
Hellahontas: Okay then.  
  
Arnold Smith: Later Days!  
  
Hellahontas: ^.~3 


	6. Part Six

Arnold Smith left and Hellahontas still stood near Madam Willow.  
  
Hellahontas: What am I smoking?? I can't be seeing him...but I know I want too. But still...something is pulling me towards him.  
  
Madam Willow: Maybe it's your dreams..or maybe you're just cracked.  
  
Hellahontas: Oh you're funny...  
  
Hellahontas eventually left back to her village, and she saw many warriors getting out of canoes.  
  
Some Random Villager: The warriors are here! Now we're even stronger!  
  
Phoebema runs to Hellahontas.  
  
Phoebema: How hard did you get hit on the impact of the water?? Why were you hanging around that...white man...let alone running off with him?!  
  
Brain Dawg: Dude! Stay in one place! Anyway, it's great now that we have enough warriors to defeat those heathens.  
  
Hellahontas scowls and ran off to find her dad.  
  
Hellahontas: Dad! Is is true??  
  
Bobhaten: What? Is what true?  
  
Hellahontas: Dad! We can't fight them! We don't need to. They did NOTHING to us!  
  
Bobhaten: It's not that easy.  
  
Hellahontas: Listen...they came here for gold! There is none, so they're most likely going to leave!  
  
Bobhaten: But they injured one of our men, tore up our land and cut down our trees. Now they think they can just...TAKE OVER.  
  
Hellahontas: But there has to be another way!  
  
Bobhaten: Listen good little lady. There are some things you have to do...i.e I HAVE to destroy those men. If I go back on my word, then they'll call me a wimp.  
  
Hellahontas glared at her dad.  
  
Hellahontas: Yeah...well...forget you! I never really liked your home-made jerky pudding anyway!  
  
Bobhaten winced.  
  
********************  
  
Arnold Smith dawdled back to 'Jamestown' and entered the gate. The men were sitting around a small campfire.  
  
Stinken: There you are! Finally you decide to come back!  
  
Curlyiffe: And where have you been?  
  
Arnold Smith: I was...checking out the lands.  
  
Curlyiffe: Very well. Then I assume you know where the savages whereabouts are, am I correct?  
  
Arnold Smith: Uh....yeah...sure.  
  
Curlyiffe: Well map it out. We'll need it for tommorrow's battle.  
  
Arnold Smith's eyes widened.  
  
Arnold Smith: Say what??  
  
Curlyiffe: Yes, we're gonna get rid of those...people so we can have decent lands...without them.  
  
Arnold Smith: What?? No! You can't do that!  
  
Stinken: Tsk...I smell a speech about 'doing-the-right-thing' coming up.  
  
Curlyiffe: Uh...excuse me??  
  
Arnold Smith: We don't have to fight them!  
  
Gerals: What's your problem??  
  
Arnold Smith Hesitated.  
  
Arnold Smith: Because...I..uh...I met one of them.  
  
Sin: What?! You were holding out on us???  
  
Arnold Smith: No no...they can help us, they know the land and everything and they can naviga-  
  
Curlyiffe: They don't want to HELP us..they want to kill us! ALL of us! And they have all our gold!!  
  
Arnold Smith: What the HELL are you talking about?! This isn't our gold and this isn't our land! And besides! There is no gold!!!!  
  
Gerals: What?!?! NO GOLD?!  
  
Curlyiffe: Oh...and let me guess....you're little friend told you this??  
  
Arnold Smith: Yes! she did.  
  
Sin: [To Stinken] Ha! and who does she think she is? Pochahontas??  
  
Curlyiffe froze.  
  
Curlyiffe: LIES!! All of it! LIES!  
  
Arnold Smith: But this isn't our land!  
  
Curlyiffe: Yes it is! And I say whomever sees an indian without killing them will be...well...they'll...THEY'LL REGRET IT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAhahH!!  
  
Curlyiffe ran off to his tent with Eugins scampering quickly behind him.  
  
Crew: _._;; 


	7. Part Seven

*********************  
  
Hellahontas slowly sneaks out of the village at night.  
  
Phoebema: What are you doing??  
  
Hellahontas: Oh..uh...hi ^^;;  
  
Phoebema: You can't go out there again! I already lied for you once, and I'm not about to do it again!  
  
Hellahontas: I have to do this!  
  
Phoebema: You don't have to do anything. And if you go, you'll be turning your back on your own people, and plus, your dad will skin you!  
  
Hellahontas: Hey! heyheyheyheyhey! I'm trying to help my people!  
  
Phoebema: Argh! Look don't-  
  
Hellahontas: -I know what I'm doing!  
  
Hellahontas ran off into the cornfield before Phoebema could say anything. She slumped to the ground and put her hand on her face.  
  
Phoebema: Why do I even bother ()  
  
********************  
  
Arnold Smith was at the site, then causiously left to meet Hellahontas. The other men were around a fire, but Gerals had seen his shadow. He followed Arnold and saw him leaving the site from the gates. Gerals gulped. He picked up a gun and followed Arnold Smith into the forest. But mean while...in the indian village...  
  
Phoebema: Brain Dawg, there's something I have to tell you...  
  
Brain Dawg looked up from sharpening his knife.  
  
Brain Dawg: Oh no...I sense an embaressing confession coming up...  
  
Phoebema: Well..it's Hellahontas. I think...she's in trouble.  
  
******************  
  
Madam Willow: What is it??  
  
Hellahontas: Shit..I'm in a rut. The warriors have arrived and there gonna be a battle with the white men tommorrow!!  
  
Arnold Smith: [runs up to her] Hellahontas! Hellahontas! Listen to me! Our men are planning to attack your village! You have to warn them!  
  
Hellahontas: Oh, perfect! [panicky voice] Our warriors'll attack to tommorrow also! They have to talk this out or something...  
  
Arnold Smith: I know, but talking won't do any good!  
  
Hellahontas: I know...but...we have to try something.  
  
Arnold Smith: Well...we could try...talking it out with your leader...  
  
Hellahontas: We could, but I hope it'll work, and I hope he'll listen.  
  
Arnold Smith: So it's settled! Tommorrow morning, we'll talk to them.  
  
Hellahontas: Great!  
  
Madam Willow: Well you just hope that they WILL listen.  
  
Hellahontas: Oh! Arnold! I want to show you something! Come up here!  
  
Arnold gave Hellahontas a puzzled look as she started climbing up the branches of the willow tree.  
  
Arnold Smith: Oh...okay...  
  
Arnold started climbing up the tree branches, catching up with Hellahontas. They were both at the very top of the tree when a branch Hellahontas's foot was supporting cracked. Arnold grabbed Hellahontas's arm.  
  
Hellahontas: You know...I've been going through alot of hell since I met you...  
  
Arnold Smith: Oh you be quiet, and pray that I don't sprain my arms.  
  
Arnold tried pulling Hellahontas up on a safe branch.  
  
Madam Willow: Sorry bout that!  
  
Arnold continued pulling Hellahontas, till his hat flew off, and as a natural reaction he reached one of his arms up and grabbed for it.  
  
Hellahontas: Nice one!  
  
Arnold Smith lost his balance and he and Hellahontas both fell to the ground, hitting body parts against the tree branches. They landed with a hard thud on the ground...Arnold on top of Hellahontas.  
  
Squirrels and Other critters: x.X;;  
  
Madam Willow: Oh dear!  
  
Madam Willow quickly lifted the vines and covered the eyes of several squirrels. It took Hellahontas and Arnold Smith a while to realize how wrong that looked. Little did they know, that off in the distant were two pairs of eyes; one belonged to Gerals, and the other, Brain Dawg. Brain Dawg grew red with maddness.  
  
Brain Dawg: I want what he's got!!  
  
Brain Dawg gave out a loud and shrill war call as he grabbed Arnold Smith off of Hellahontas and started beating Arnold with a small rock.  
  
Arnold Smith: Let go of me!!!  
  
Arnold and Brain Dawg started fighting like the do in cartoons (where you could only see their arms and legs and a big gray cloud.)  
  
Gerals aimed his gun at Brain Dawg. Well, our little genius isn't so hot at aiming, so he ended up shooting both Brain Dawg and Arnold Smith. And they all all died and went to hell.  
  
THE END  
Lol Just kidding, Go on to part eight to read the real ending. 


	8. Part Eight

Hellahontas continued to try and pry Brain Dawg off of Arnold Smith in vain.  
  
Hellahontas: Brain Dawg Stop!! It's not what it looks like!! He's innocent I tell you!!  
  
Brain Dawg: Listen to the little sneak talk about innocence!!  
  
Hellahontas's eyes turned to ice, as she punched Brain Dawg in the jaw with all her might, causing a loud popping sound.  
  
Hellahontas: Forget you Brain Dawg!! I never really liked you anyway!!  
  
Arnold got up, and now had a big black eye. He quickly walked towards Brain Dawg, and before Brain Dawg could react, Arnold punched Brain Dawg in the chest, tore his hand out, and in his hand held a heart still pumping in it. Gerals watched from behind the bushes, stupified.  
  
Arnold Smith: I don't take orders from DAWGS!! And I believe this is yours!!  
  
Arnold carelessly threw the beating heart at the ground, landing next to Brain Dawgs head.  
  
Hellahontas: Look out Arnold!!  
  
Arnold turned around and there were nearly twenty indian men glaring at Arnold. They all grabbed Arnold, tied him up and dragged him to the village, holding him captive.  
  
Hellahontas: Come back!!! You're all making a big mistake!!  
  
Arnold glanced at Hellahontas, hoping he would convince the men to let him go, but they both knew it was impossible.  
  
Back at the village, a large crowd grows as they bring Arnold Smith to Bobhaten. They show Brain Dawgs lifeless body to Bobhaten, whom quickly plugged his nose.  
  
Bobhaten: Hoofa! Holy talido that's rank! Take it away. Who the hell did this???  
  
The warriors roughly took Arnold Smith to Bobhaten. Bobhaten aimed an arrow at Arnold's throat.  
  
Warrior: Hellahontas was out in the woods. Brain Dawg went to find him and this white man seduced him.  
  
Bobhaten: You're weapons are strong, but now our anger is stronger!!  
  
Arnold Smith: I see you had to get your quotes from t.v because you couldn't make them yourself. What a joke.  
  
Bobhaten dug the arrow almost into Arnold skin, causing Arnold to chuckle nervously.  
  
Bobhaten: For your smart ass mouth, you shall be the first to die at sunrise!!!  
  
Hellahontas: But Dad!!! You can't-  
  
Bobhaten: No!! I told you to stay here! And I told you not to get involved with these...white men....but now, thanks to your no-sense of right/wrong, Brain Dawg is dead! I told you...all along...but does anyone listen to Bobhaten?????? Noooo sireee!!  
  
Hellahontas and Arnold Smith exchanged glances as they took Arnold into a small tent.  
  
**************************  
  
That night, Hellahontas went to the top of the hill where Arnold Smith was to be killed. She couldn't stand it, so she ran to Madam Willow.  
  
Hellahontas: Madam Willow! It's horrible! My people are going to kill Arnold at sunrise, and Brain Dawg is dead!!  
  
Madam Willow: What?? That's horrible!!  
  
Hellahontas: I know! And there's nothing I can do about it!  
  
Madam Willow: Well you have to stop them, it's almost sunrise!  
  
Hellahontas: I don't know if I can.  
  
Madam Willow: Well you'd better try your best, dear! Besides, who elses are you going to marry since Brain Dawg is dead?  
  
Hellahontas hesitated. Then looked at the sun rising into the direction of the village.  
  
Hellahontas: Thank you Madam Willow! I must go now.  
  
Hellahontas sprinted back to the village, and in the distance, she could see English Men marching toawrds the village. Hellahontas felt as is her lungs would burst, but she couldn't stop running, or it would be to late. She finally arrived at the village and atop the hill. There was Arnold and Bobhaten, whom held a large staff above Arnold's head.  
  
In a muffled, deep NOOOOOO everything becomes a blur in slow motion as Hellahontas knocks the staff out of Bobhaten. Cherriots of Fire is playing in the background.  
  
Hellahontas: NOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Villager: [to another villager] How'd she slow down time like that?  
  
Hellahontas: STOP!!  
  
Bobhaten: What are you doing??  
  
Hellahontas: You can't kill him!!  
  
Bobhaten: You step away! He did it to himself!!  
  
Hellahontas: I WON'T DAMMIT!!!  
  
There was a silence.  
  
Villagers: Ooooooohhhhh!  
  
Bobhaten: Oh? And give me one good reason why I shouldn't bash this guys skull in!!  
  
Hellahontas: You want the truth?! Well...you can't handle the truth!!  
  
Bobhaten: Try Me!  
  
Hellahontas: Becasue I LIKE him like him!!!!  
  
The crowd was silent.  
  
Bobhaten: But...you...I...guh...in that case, since Brain Dawg is dead...ah what the hell. Men release him!  
  
The villagers cheered and Hellahontas and Arnold Smith starting making out...but I already posted on my disclaimer that this is rated PG-13 so I have to stop right here. ^^;;  
Anyway, it was at this time that the Washingtonians arrived. They saw Hellahontas and Arnold Smith, and figured it was safe, so they put down their weapons...except for Curlyiffe.  
  
Curlyiffe: You men! Shoot them! They're just saying that!!  
  
Sin: They don't want to fight!  
  
Stinken: And they don't have any gold!  
  
Curlyiffe: No! Lies! All of it!! If you won't shoot them then I will!  
  
Gerals: But-  
  
Before anyone could react, Curlyiffe had grabbed a gun and shot Bobhtan. Fortunatly enough (or unfourtunatly enough...you pick) The gun missed Bobhtane, bounced off a tree, and hit Curlyiffe...right between the eyes.  
  
Crew: that works.  
  
Anyway, yeah. Arnold and Hellahontas lived a long happy live in the Villiage of...uh..where they live. They got hitched and had a kid. And Phoebema married Bobhaten. Oh yeah! And Abny found out he could fly (that explains the relationship between Phoebema and Bobhaten) and Abny married Leeko.  
  
Well that pretty much sums it up ^^v  
  
Oh yeah! About the others! Well, they...uh...died of a disease, plague, madness...and...what not. ^^;;  
  
Thank you for reading! Please review! 


End file.
